Blog Entry
My Kinky Roots
April 29 2026I often get asked what turned Me on to kink. When I pull on that thread it reaches far into My past. From childhood games with a slightly twisted turn to more intense forms of play as I aged, My proclivities for the unusual have existed for as long as I can remember.
One of My earliest memories was with My best friend growing up. She was a few years older than My 10 years so in My eyes, was My superior in every way. It’s no exaggeration to say, I idolized her. Somewhere along the way, she had watched or seen hypnosis. I had also seen a live hypnotist show at My church growing up. We decided to “play” hypnosis.
I sat across from her as she dangled a pendant on a chain before Me. Swinging back and forth, My eyes followed the swaying rhythm. She repeated words she had likely heard before, commanding Me to follow with My eyes as I got sleepier and sleepier. I obeyed and eventually, as My state of awareness faded, she released Me into that euphoric surrender as she commanded Me to “SLEEP.” I instinctively fell over and crashed into the bed with eyes closed. Appearing unconscious and drifting into a space of total helplessness. The feeling was indescribable. Suddenly I had no worries or thoughts beyond what she placed there. I was a puppet to do with as she wished. It was exhilarating. Every part of My being was both activated and sedate all at once.
Next was My turn. I repeated the pattern she'd shown Me and when I ordered her to “SLEEP” the intensity of power that flooded My system was nothing short of a drug. The feeling of euphoria returned, only this time, I held the reins. The control was intoxicating. I could make her into My toy, to do whatever I desired. And I was not short on desires. Even at 10 years old I had a list of creative commands that were eager to come forth and manifest in this power play. I made her act like a dog. I made her sing and dance for Me. I made her serve Me with her tea set. And when I was done, I ended the scene and woke her.
We continued these mental games for several years and one day we introduced the element of CNC. I understand the ethical implications of this being so young and unaware of what exactly we were doing. But much like pre-teens will experiment with spin the bottle, truth or dare or other salacious games, we were experimenting using hypnosis.
I would hypnotize her, and then command her to “rape” Me. (I know. I know. But that was the word we understood.) It was an inversion of CNC where I, as the hypnotist had control and would use that power to command her to takeover and force Me into acts I would feign I did not want. This was My first sexual experimentation. And it was… HOT. Much better than spin the bottle.
In my late twenties I learned real hypnosis for stage performance. During My training I would often hide the fact that I was deeply aroused. I was embarrassed because I had no idea hypno-kink was a thing. When I finally told my instructor (who was also a friend), she casually said, “Oh yeah, hypno-kink is a thing.” And there it was. Having a name for it let me responsibly research and explore. Hypnosis is the first form of Domination I ever made into a career. I started it before becoming a full time Pro-Domme and to this day, it’s deeply rooted in My Domination style.
Recently I stumbled across a photo of My youth that makes me smile every time I see it. It’s Me in my bathrobe, sprawled on the couch like I owned the place, while My older brother’s two best friends lie on the floor at My feet—happily painting My toenails as I kick back and relax. My mom snapped the picture because she thought it was hilarious that I’d somehow convinced them to do exactly what I asked. My brother, on the other hand, found it annoying; he’d groan, complain, and tease them for falling for it.
I didn’t have the words for it back then, but even as a kid I could read people. I noticed who was eager to please. Looking back, I can see the signs were always there: the little favors, the wide-eyed willingness, the way they’d get to work without asking why. That photo is a tiny time capsule of a budding Dominatrix, and it still makes Me grin.
And finally, it’s a trope for a reason. Let’s talk about My Catholic upbringing. I grew up Catholic. *VERY* Catholic. I attended Catholic school, wore the uniforms and drank in the religion eagerly during My formative years. I loved the rituals, the hierarchy, the displays of sacrifice, power and theatrics at every turn. I recall having a conversation with My aunt who was a nun when I was very young. She told Me that any pain or suffering I endured I should not complain about. Instead, I could offer it up as a sacrifice to gain merits in heaven. Fascinated by this simple yet effective system, I endured punishments gratefully. In fact, I welcomed an amount of suffering because I believed it meant rewards later.
Eventually, when I began to think for Myself, I questioned many aspects of My religion and pulled apart the hypocrisies. It didn’t take long for Me to realize that Catholicism and the God who reigned there was not a place I wanted to be. But the internal systems of ritual, sacrifice, punishment and reward stayed with Me and are an integral part of My play today.
The eternal question of nature versus nurture is an interesting one. At the end of the day, I believe it’s a bit of both. Why am I the kinky deviant Pro-Domme and not others? There’s something intrinsic in My makeup that draws Me to BDSM.
As a child, My grandma took us to the opera. My brothers fell asleep. I, on the other hand was enthralled. The whole experience from dressing up, finding our places, learning when it was appropriate to applaud and when you honored the moment with silence was an etiquette course I was hungry for. The spectacle of drama, costumery and distinct archetypes on display mesmerized Me. I bring this up, not because opera is inherently kinky, but rather to speak to the fact that some of us are just born with that uniquely creative gene that seeks both novelty and structure.
Those of us with kinky minds often gravitate toward the parts of culture that challenge and provoke, while also offering a space to play. It’s a delicious paradox—passion and control, pain and pleasure, shadow and light. If you’re reading this, you’re one of us - a beautiful outsider whose kink tapestry likely traces back through your history. It may not be obvious at first glance, but as soon as you start pulling that thread, the signs are unmistakeable.
Drawn to dance between life's polarities and play on the edges of society, kinky people have and will always exist. And thank our pervy gods for it!
